Pasta: Fettuccine Alfredo with Chicken Fritta
Side: Zuppa Toscana
Side: Zuppa Toscana
I’ve been watching Al Roker as he attempts to break the world record for weather reporting. He’s staying on the air for 34 hours, taking one 5 minute break every hour, before going back to weather reports about your neck of the woods. By hour 21, he looked completely exhausted. People would pass by on the street and wave at him and he would limply wave back then continue talking about frost warnings in Poughkeepsie.
It reminded me of the Simpsons Halloween episode where Homer eats the devil’s donut and goes to Hell. “You like donuts? Well, here’s donuts forever.” The irony is he eats more donuts than even the devil could fathom. But Al Roker isn’t Homer, and neither am I. I love pasta, Al loves the weather, but not THAT much.
I went to a party over the weekend and everyone asked how I felt about the Pasta Pass ending. I was honest. Totally excited. As fun as it was, the Pasta Pass had become a pasta burden. Yesterday, I was getting a salad for lunch and noticed that the to-go box looked like the ones they use at Olive Garden. I had pasta trauma, PTSD.
On the last day of the Pasta Pass, I was in Alhambra. I had dinner and was writing with my friend Jenny when 9pm rolled around. I knew I needed at least half an hour to schlep it back to Glendale so I downed my sugary coffee and headed for one last pasta pick up.
I called in my to-go order. Stacey picked, because of course she did. I got a Fettuccine Alfredo with Chicken Fritta and for my side a Zuppa Toscana. She said she hadn’t seen me in awhile. I had seen her 4 days prior, an eternity in Pasta Pass time.
I got there and was excited to see Stacey, but also sad that our time was ending. I asked her if we could take a picture and she said yes. She handed my phone to another server and posed, pretending like she was handing me my to-go order when suddenly the paparazzi showed up.
"Do you guys know each other or something?” Too many questions, bro. Just take the picture.
"Do you guys know each other or something?” Too many questions, bro. Just take the picture.
I told Stacey about the blog and she said she looked forward to reading it. I said goodbye, probably for the last time, got my ticket validated, and drove home to Atwater.
The pasta was fine. I got soup since the weather was getting colder, and the Toscana remains the best of the meat soups. The Alfredo sauce was cheesy and hearty, and complemented the chicken fritta, which isn’t saying much because breaded chicken strips go with anything. The fettuccine was a winner, but I was glad this was the last one. I was in dire need of a pasta hiatus.
The pasta was fine. I got soup since the weather was getting colder, and the Toscana remains the best of the meat soups. The Alfredo sauce was cheesy and hearty, and complemented the chicken fritta, which isn’t saying much because breaded chicken strips go with anything. The fettuccine was a winner, but I was glad this was the last one. I was in dire need of a pasta hiatus.
As promised, here is a totally biased, unscientific, completely subjective, Thomas-specific Power Ranking of the toppings you can get on a Never Ending Pasta Bowl.
4) Italian Sausage
Is this meat? I’m not sure. “Italian” could mean anything. I usually associate it with fine leather goods, which is what this sausage tastes like. A bland meat tube of nothingness. Chewy on the outside, dry on the inside. In my garage, have a box of emergency food in case an earthquake hits. I bet my freeze dried emergency sausage tastes better than this. Avoid at all cost.
4) Italian Sausage
Is this meat? I’m not sure. “Italian” could mean anything. I usually associate it with fine leather goods, which is what this sausage tastes like. A bland meat tube of nothingness. Chewy on the outside, dry on the inside. In my garage, have a box of emergency food in case an earthquake hits. I bet my freeze dried emergency sausage tastes better than this. Avoid at all cost.
3) Meatballs
Slightly more tasty than the Italian Sausage, but not by much. It’s shockingly devoid of flavor. I’m not sure why though, what’s the purpose? The pasta is pretty flavorful, albeit quite salty. Balancing it out with bland meat makes no sense, it just makes me not want to eat it. If tradition forces you to get a plate of Spaghetti and Meatballs, then knock yourself out. But the next two are far better choices, and it’s almost unfair.
Slightly more tasty than the Italian Sausage, but not by much. It’s shockingly devoid of flavor. I’m not sure why though, what’s the purpose? The pasta is pretty flavorful, albeit quite salty. Balancing it out with bland meat makes no sense, it just makes me not want to eat it. If tradition forces you to get a plate of Spaghetti and Meatballs, then knock yourself out. But the next two are far better choices, and it’s almost unfair.
2) Shrimp Fritta
Unfair mostly because these items are both “new” which means that they’ve been kid-tested, mother-approved by Olive Garden lab rats. Also, they’re deep-fried which… how do you fuck up deep fried things? You can’t, which is why these two are the only toppings you should get, if at all, really. I think the pasta bowl is best on it’s own, but if you need a lil’ extra, then get the shrimp or chicken. Either one. They’re the same, but I prefer the chicken so…
Unfair mostly because these items are both “new” which means that they’ve been kid-tested, mother-approved by Olive Garden lab rats. Also, they’re deep-fried which… how do you fuck up deep fried things? You can’t, which is why these two are the only toppings you should get, if at all, really. I think the pasta bowl is best on it’s own, but if you need a lil’ extra, then get the shrimp or chicken. Either one. They’re the same, but I prefer the chicken so…
1) Chicken Fritta
Winner winner, chicken dinner.
Winner winner, chicken dinner.